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Saturday, May 28th, 2005
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8:44 am
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so I'm in the keys right now. The boys have to work so I am left to go shopping, get a massage, lay by the pool, and have a few drinks. What a hard life I have right now. It is so amazing down here. It is really hot, but its a lot of fun. I think I want to go snorkeling today. The only bad thing is that I don't like sea food and down here thats all they have. Well off to go lay by the pool.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 23rd, 2005
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3:26 pm
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So I did it I finally moved to Florida. It is way to hot down here. I can't wait for Jodi Mel And Megan to come down. I miss them so much. But its you I miss the most. I can't get you out of my head, everything down here reminds me of you. I should have told you sooner maybe you would have stopped me. I doubt it though. Jodi made a comment its love. I never thought this is how it would be, but maybe shes right maybe I do love you. Its a little to late for that now.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 28th, 2005
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1:41 pm
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Wow it happened last night. I hit rock bottom with no one to talk to no where to go. Embarassed to call certain people. It was horrible. It finally happened its an actual reality now. I feel like I just don't know what to do with myself. I have so many feelings and emotions, I just don't know how to express them besides just sitting down and crying. I need to get out of here, i need to let go, I need to tell you the truth, i wish i could tell you how i really feel. But none of that will ever happen. So I will probably just sit and try to force a smile on my face, and pretend like nothing is wrong, pretend like i have no feelings, pretend none of this bothers me, pretend that i don't love you, pretend that i do love you, and worst of all pretend like i'm happy. I have gotten pretty good at all of this. When you pretend things for so long, eventually you start to believe them. I'm hoping some day soon i will believe these things. I hope that day comes before i break. I used to be a strong person, but sense of selfworth and strong personality is all starting to fade along with my hopes, my dreams, my happiness, and myself.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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12:37 pm - Everything is falling apart
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IT seems like I get everything figured out and then it just all comes crashing down. Everything was set we had our apartment, I got into a college in Ft. Myers. I could have easily gotten a job. Then you go and tell me nope thats not happening. I decided thats not what I want to do. Things are just so different these days. Do I love you, or am I in love with you, I just can't seem to figure it out. Now I have no idea what I'm going to do. I was so excited to get out of Michigan. I just can't handle hearing about certain things. And I hear about them everyday. I'm finally starting to break down about it. I just wish I would have heard it from you first. But no you never had the guts to tell me, you wanted to keep it from me. It makes feel a little better that I was told it probably wouldn't work and that it almost seems like you are forced. It makes me feel a little better knowing that you are miserable because so am I. I just wish that I could talk to you again. You know just about everything thats ever happened to me. You were there for me for almost all of high school. Now I don't even know you anymore and I don't think I could see you without wanting to hold you to kiss you, just like things used to be. But last september I relized that you could give two shits about me anymore that it is really truely over between me and you. Maybe one day we could be friends, I doubt it because I know deep down in my heart that I will always be in love with you. It just sucks so bad because I want to be able to have a great relationship, but I just can't because I can't give my whole heart away because you still have it.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
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6:16 pm
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Don't you hate it when you just stop, look around, and nothing is what it seems. That seems to be the story of my life these days. I'm really considering applying to out of state colleges for next year. I need to get out of this town. To many things are just going wrong. Everything with my parents, justin being crazy, school is kicking my ass, working, old people trying to come into my life and fuck with me, and now you. I just don't know what to do anymore. The only thing good right now is that I finally got my new truck. I really want to go to an east coast school. I love it out there, but can I handle not knowing anyone, not being able to see my friends and family whenever I want? I'm really a shy person. Will I be able to make friends easily? Will I even like people out there. Then there is always the topic of how am I going to pay for college, I'm going to need a job out there because I will have to get an apartment. All these little details. Or I could always go to Florida and go to school. I could live with you, that cuts rent in half. But do I really want to go there. I don't even really like Florida. I think I just want to leave so bad, that I'm willing to just go anywhere but here. I really hope I just don't get caught up in that and make the wrong decision.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
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7:47 pm - HAHAHA
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I can't believe you are pregnant, WOW that fuckin sucks.
Well at least you got what you wanted, you trapt him, he had no other choice.
I bet you just sit there and love it too.
Wow you are pathetic.
The apitamy of white trash.
yep thats you.
current mood:  That i'm not like you
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 15th, 2004
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6:47 pm
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So I just got back from up north today. It was so much fun, tubing down the riffle river WASTED!! It was great. me drew rick hart beasley douglas and drews brother went. I definatly can't wait to go again. things are actually sitting in now. i can't just pick up the phone and call you when i have a bad day or just need someone to talk to, or just go to your house and cuddle with you all night. but i guess this is the way it has to be. things changed for us a long time ago and neither of us wanted to relize it. i just wish it wouldn't have happened the way it did. now you try to call me and talk to me, im not ready to talk to you yet. you said some of the meanest things to me that night, and not to mention things you have been telling other people. i thought you were different, but you are just like the rest. you told me you wouldn't be like him, you were just like him in a different way. i told you i would never let that happen to me again, i would never let someone treat me that shitty again, you did once and i dropped you, i wasn't joking, i will NEVER let that happen to me again. guys are no good. i'm staying single at least until i move to new york. even though that isn't for 2-3 years, i need this now. i need time for myself, so much crazy shit has happened to me in the last year, i need time now to pick the pieces of my life back up and be happy again, do things for myself. even though still to this day if you came up to me and said lets move away together i would. i love you. you said it to me once and i still regret not doing it, but i was to scared. wow thats really fucked up.
(please no commenting by stupid little girls because i'm not talking about who you might think)
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 12th, 2004
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10:38 am
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So I never thought this relationship would end up like this, but I love it, I love you. Relationships are so different when you actually have trust. I never really had a relationship where we have so much trust. No fights, I'm allowed to hang out with my friends for the night and not get the 3rd degree the next morning. I love it. So Southland mall is the mall by Justins new house. We went up there the other day and I sat and talked to Robyn forever. I miss her, I miss working at Journeys, but I can't work nights because I have school. I start school today, that sucks big time. Oh well. Well off to the job I hate so much.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
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8:58 am - " I never liked the rain till I walked through it with you"
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Thats got to be the best song in the world. I just got home from driving Justin to work. I'm so happy he actually got a really good job. I never thought this whole thing would happen( me and Justin), but now that it has, its amazing. I'm happier then I have ever been before. Just the thought of him makes me smile. I told myself I wasn't gonna fall in love with him, but I just couldn't help it. He is absolutely amazing. Alan Jackson was sweet. The concert was awesome and so was the whole night.
So I did a lot of christmas shopping the other day with Justin. I'm not done though. Me and Lauren are gonna go today.
I moved back home on Sunday, and I hate it. All my parents do is fight, then me and my brother get dragged into it. It really sucks. I never thought something like this would happen to my faimly. At least not in the way it is happening. Shit happens though I guess and ya just gotta get over it.
current mood: happy
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
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11:03 am - I never thought this would happen....
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Last weekend was the best. I had so much fun up north. The best part was sitting and talking with Justin for 3 hours. He makes me so happy. And hes so nice to me. It all just seems to good to be true, but I deserve that. I deserve you. Well I started working at the old Leos again. I start today. I will be making lots of money. So last night the firealarm went off through my apartment building, and each individual smoke detector went off. It was like 2 in the morning, and they went off for like 45 minutes, I felt so bad for Justin cause he had to get up at 8 in the morning to work. I guess the 3rd floor was flooded. It sucked, but oh well. Well I gotta go I got shit to do.
current mood:  anxious
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, September 15th, 2003
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9:54 pm - A new begining........
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This whole boyfriend thing freaks me out everyday. I'm really glad that you understand why and are ok with it. You make me so happy. I can't even remember the last time I felt like this. Its amazing. The begining is always the best, but everyday with you seems like the begining, because I still get butterflies everytime I see you, when you smile or wink at me I melt. You are great. I have never had a boyfriend be this nice to me. To top it off the poem you wrote me yesterday was the cutest thing in the world. It was so sweet. The concert Friday was the best, you are the best. I'm so happy that for once in my life I can actually say that I'm happy and MEAN it.
current mood: content
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 4th, 2003
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1:42 pm - Everything is Different now.
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Everything in my life has changed in the past 3 weeks. It really sucks alot.
I met my dad for lunch the other day, I'm really happy he called me.
I miss him so much.
I don't think I'm going to school in the fall.
Oh well.
I'm still in shock that you called me the other day and asked for my new cell phone number.
I don't see why I gave it to you, you will only use it if your drunk and you disappear, then you will just deny it.
It was nice to talk to you though. It was nice to be civil. It was nice to know that if I needed someone you would be there.
There is a lot of people I want to thank for just being there for me. Like Justin, you are great. Jack thanks for sitting and talking with me. I couldn't even believe that when I left it had been like 3- 3 1/2 hours. And Andrea Cotter, you are the shit, I don't know what I would have done without you that one night. You saved me. Mel and Jodi you guys are the best too. Everyone else who has just been a friend lately I just want you guys to know that I really appreciate you guys.
I can't wait to beat the shit out of you, you have no idea. Can't you guys just get a life. YOu have nothing better to do then to sit and talk about me. You guys would have nothing to do if it wasn't for me. HAHA you guys are pathetic and you make me sick. Just because I'm a threat to you. HAHAHAHAHAHA Get real, you guys need to get a life.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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2:25 am - WOW
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Its funny how your life can change in just seconds.
A letter.
You are a fucking bastard I hate you so much.
That was the easy way out.
We don't need you anyway.
We never did.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 12th, 2003
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1:53 pm - GRADUATION PARTY!!!!!!!!!!
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Today is my graduation party!!!
Your welcome to come
4- ?????
Call me is you need directions
248.343.8960
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 7th, 2003
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10:00 pm
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The concert last night was a fucking blast!!! I was so god damn wasted I don't even remember half of it. Another one this Sunday. I think me Justin Randy and Amanda are going. Maybe others too. After the concert was the best though.
Some people really confuse me. When I finally get something I am totally content with people have to go and fuck it up. I don't want a boyfriend, I want to be single and have fun. Thats why I'm content with the way things are with you. Then you guys come into my life. I used to like you along time ago, now that I'm happy your back in my life and want to be with me, what the hell is that. Please don't mess things up right now for me.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 29th, 2003
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3:15 am
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I was going to call you tonight, just to see how you were doing. Try to make amends so we didn't end all this in bad terms because thats not the way I wanted it to end. We have both moved on, and I guess I just want things to be civil. So if I ever do see you I can say hi and everything will be ok. I didn't though because it would just cause a bunch of bullshit that is not needed. Which is fucking ridiculous. The conversation would get turned into something it totally wasn't, because people always think things are their buisness and they would talk. Its sad that thats how it is, but hey what can ya do.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 26th, 2003
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10:44 pm - Oh but I do
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You don't know that I know that you do, I think that if you knew that I knew you wouldn't. But what if I could use the stuff I knew against you. But then you wouldn't do it so maybe I shouldn't let you know that I know so then I could know more????????
But hey I know.
So Jack fixed my car alittle tonight. Very nice of him. My brother has to get him some stuff tomorrow for my car and then he is gonna fix the rest this weekend. Very nice. Me Mel Jodi sat in Jacks drive way while him and my brother worked on my car. They did it in record timing. We were very surprised. Well I gotta go off to see the boxing match. There was a few people I wish would go over there so I could box but we wont get into that. One day it will happen and I just can't wait till then. It will be the shit.
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(comment on this)
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2:13 am
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So summer has been a BLAST so far. Last night I got WASTED over at Kevins. That was fun. Then went and picked up Justin and Randy. I had to stay there, there was no way I was driving. Then tonight I went to Big Boy with Mel and Jodi. They are the shit. Remeber Jodi no matter what anyone says. You heard that message for yourself. You and Mel both know it really happened. I wish it was still saved, but I was so drunk I hit the wrong button and deleted it. At least now can't deny it. You swear up and down my ass. HAHA. Then went and hung out with Randy Amanda me and Justin. I have to open tomorrow. Me Jodi and Mel were going to go swimming but it supposed to rain all day. The one day I work in the morning and get off early enough to go out in the sun its shity out. Oh well. I can't wait till fourth of July weekend, there is so much going on and its going to be a blast. Well I have to go to bed I need to get up pretty soon.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 21st, 2003
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10:02 pm - Last night = FUCKING SWEET!!!!!
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Last night was SO much fun. There was a few parts that were kinda scarey but the end was great. Right time right place.
If you are actually serious about being mad at me, your fucking gay. Thats ridiculous.
Everyone is in Canada right now. I wish I could have gone, but I needed to work I need the money.
Next week though.
Thanks for the ID Jody. It really works. Its so funny how we look nothing alike but that picture and my face just match. HAHA.
Well I gotta go to a grad. party, if anything else is going on call the new cell. If you don't have the number I obviously don't want you to call me.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 20th, 2003
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1:21 pm - Seven, WOW
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